Fed up....

For some odd reason, I've come to a horrible realization. That no matter what I do to try to make things better; things just get worse. I have all these friends who have nice things and clean homes....and...I dont know... I just wish that I could have those things. Because...my house...its not like my friends houses. =[ They all have those nice things, those things that I'll never have. They have nice houses, that when you use more than one appliance the electricity goes out to the entire kitchen except one plug. Their families are doing so good. Yet, mine, no one has a job but my mom's boyfriend, who in 2 weeks is getting kicked out.

I slept over my friends house and just completely forgot about my life at my house...then came back home and...was actually shocked at what I saw when I walked in the door. The picture in this blog, thats an actual smile. I was actually happy. I was away from home and didn't have to put on a fake smile. I had fun, I didnt have to worry about the things I have to worry about. I actually felt like...just happy. I could actually be a teenager and not have to worry about making dinner and taking care of myself. God, I could actually be care free and be myself. I didn't have to be an adult at the age of 16, where at home.. I have to act like I'm more of an adult then my own mother. Where's being a teenager in that?

All the pictures up on myspace that aren't of me at home, those are painted on smiles, just for the rest of the world to see "that pretty smiling face of mine." I'm never happy at home. Just miserable, they wonder why I never come out of my room.

The rest of my summer will now consist of "cleaning the house and making it liveable." As my mom said. This house honestly will never be "liveable" its just impossible. No one in this house wants to do anything. They just sit around like a bunch of lards, waiting for the mess to clean itself up, which, we all know wont happen. I just don't understand it.. I can't take it anymore. I'm so done cleaning up after 3 adults and myself.

To sum it up, my house is like a fucking dumpster with shudders. And I live in a hell that I just can't take anymore.