BLAH

So,sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in my area who actually thinks about things and knows what half of these wanna-have-problems people are going through half the time. I tell them I can help cause I know what their going through and then all of a sudden I don't know what their going through and I don't know what it feels like. Shocking news people, I actually do.

I havent talked to my dad in 4 or 5 years because he decided that one day he didn't want anything to do with me. At least he said it right to my face that he didn't want me anymore. Oh wait! Nope. It was over the god damn phone. He goes away and takes my two younger brothers and starts hitting them alot. Actually kicking my youngest brother in the chest and theres NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. I practically raised those boys. I learned how to make a pb&j sandwich for them when I was 6. 6 year olds should not have to cook, but hey, I did because I loved them. I got them up in the morning & fed them breakfast. Played with them and fed them lunch. If they had homework we would do that and get it out of the way. I'd give them dinner half the time because my dad was either driving trucks for Best Buy or the security guard for Best Buy. And people say my life is perfect and awesome.

But yet theres more. I moved back to Washington Township (or washington twat ship. either one) and moved back into the house that I lived in before I moved to PA. and the god damn house is falling apart. I have a room I cant move around in because its so small and my mom's boyfriend who thinks he's my dad and grounds me whenever he feels like it. Yeah. I have such a perfect life. Let me tell you. My boyfriend once called my house the dumpster with shutters. That should tell you how bad it is.

Oh then they bitch and moan about their grades and how their parents will kill them if they dont get anything above a C. Yeah well my family expets me to get straight A's and the occasional B. and when I don't, its like the fucking apocalypse is coming and God's going to smite us all. My grandmom and my mom expect so much from me because "she went to college and has a masters degree in computer sience and works for the goverment in medical studies." I'm sorry I'm not the perfect child that you would LOVE for me to be. I was under so much stress for my sophmore year that I ended up going into the hospital because the amount of stress I was under started to affect my health and I almost passed out going down the I-pod stairwell steps, and then get bitched at because I didn't do well and they want me to put the stress aside and just concentrate. Yeah how do you expect someone to concentrate when people she cares about are putting the most stress and pressure on her then she can possibly take. Its just not fucking possible. And people say I have a perfect life.

My own dad blames me for the death of his mother and his best friend/my godfather. My grandmom died when I was like 5 and he took out the fact that she died on me. It was all my fault because I was closer to his own mother than he was to her. AND it was all my fault because my godfather died while trying to save his house from burning down. He was a volunteer fire fighter and I was extremely close to him; so its all my fault he died. At least according to my dad it is.

And my life is so absolutely perfect. Yeah. I'd love for it to be perfect where I get everything I want like the spoiled bitches in my school do. If you can read this and not get depressed from it; Congratulations. And if you read this, I'd like an outside opinion on how my life is perfect.

k thanks.